Here's our new ending to the story...
Stunned by their reaction, Alex stumbled forward and
squatted beside the kid in the red sweatshirt. Gently, he tapped on the kid's
shoulder. As the kid turned and faced Alex they both suddenly froze. Alex
screamed the most blood curdling scream he had ever screamed. The kids face was
covered in...
The kids face was covered in a shiny metallic silver film.
Alex hesitated, unable to move, his hands and feet tied by invisible ropes. He
peered around desperately but the street was deserted. There was no one. As
Alex looked back to the boy he saw his own reflection. An identical picture of
himself, but not. This boy was Alex, but wasn't. This boy had silver skin, red
eyes and, strangest of all, a large, thin, flicking...
This boy had silver skin, red eyes and, strangest of all, a large,
thin, flicking head light. Then next second an ice-cream truck went right
through the boy and stopped. Two big black men chucked him inside the van after
everything turned black. When he awoke he was in a....
When he awoke he was in a pitch black room with ample
fingers on his shoulder. A bright flickering red light became visible and so
did the men. The men looked...
The men looked big, bold and vicious. The men carried him to
a large white room. In that room he couldn’t see anyone but he heard someone
say...
“HO, HO, HO, Merry Christmas. I’m Santa. Sorry about my ample helpers,
sometimes they go a bit over the top, if you know what I mean.” Then he heard a crying noise and it was...
Then he heard a crying noise it was the strange boy who he
meet on the street before he was an elf "oh sorry for bumping into you
before. I wanted to know if you will be
an elf with me," he asked.
I replied, "OK but only on one condition, my friends
Bri, Ranger, Ella, Gabby and Millie can work with me."
"sure, oh I’m
sorry I forgot to tell you the company’s name is Cocododledo Toy Company and my
name is Mr Griffen," he said. So
they all lived happily ever after working with Mr Griffen.
Mandy Hager is an amazing, descriptive author who carefully crafts wonderful sentences. I knew you girls would enjoy and appreciate her work. What was your favourite sentence? Or should I say sentences?
ReplyDelete(Please reply to this)
Me first...this was my top favourite, although it was very hard to choose!
DeleteIn one blind moment of panic, and then the ground spat free his feet. (pg36)
Now me,
DeleteIn a silence broken only by the crackle of the fire, Alex's hands clenched, and his stomach tightened again. (pg45)
I agree Mrs G thats an awsome sentence I also found it hard to chosee a sentence but my favorite is
DeleteSoft drizzle thickined the air without seeming to fall.(pg 34)
Wow that sent goosebumps up my arms.
Im wondering if you have read this story? if you have what is it?
My fav was:
DeleteThe air ripped from his lungs as he hurtled forward, but the dot of light ahead refused to grow
My fav was: Alex switched on the computer, the screen lighting the dark room with a spooy flicker (5) and this one: Then a light seemed to explode in Alex's head as the truth hit him (46)
DeleteOk, Me Next
ReplyDeleteA few scuffing footsteps.... the scrape of a chair...and then the deep, resounding crash of the heavy front door. After that, total-terrifying-silence. (pg29)
It gets me every time. I love it!!!!!
Millie
Yes, I agree Millie! I can feel the scrape of the chair, it seems so loud yet so scary and quiet at the same time.
DeleteBrilliant work girls!! Mandy Hager is an amazing writer. I hope you use some of his ideas in your next fiction writing. Keep her book close by so you can refer to it easily!
ReplyDelete